I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
