Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
