i think i have two assholes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
