What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
