Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
