Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Who died my cat blue again?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
