This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
