Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
