I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
