I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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