It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
