There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
