You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
