My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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