I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
