Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
