I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
