think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
