i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
