And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
