hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
