At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
