i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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