I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
