Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
