Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
