hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
