he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
