you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
