i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize