the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
