There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
