I think I won the penis lottery.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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