I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
