Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
