i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
