I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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