I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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