So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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