we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
