How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
