Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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