he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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