We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
