I cannot find my penis.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
