Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
