I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
