So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
