Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
