I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
