Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
