PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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