Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
