your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She said her name was "party"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho