On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.