I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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