I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
A+ Viking dick
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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