the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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