I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
