I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
