I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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