Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
