I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
