Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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