Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
