we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize